Dialogue Extract (The Mating Game)

by Robin Hawdon
JULIA(fuming) I despise that man!
MRS F(deadpan) Yes, dear.
JULIAI absolutely and utterly despise him!
JAMESIsn’t it time you stopped saying that?
JAMESNobody believes it. You certainly don’t believe it.
JULIAI certainly do.
JAMESWell we don’t believe it. Do we, Mrs Finney?
JULIADon’t you?
MRS FLord no.
JULIAHow do I feel about him then?
MRS FI don’t know, dear, but you get so worked up about how he spends his nights there’s only one way to find out.
JULIAWhat’s that?
MRS FSpend one with him and see if it’s worth the worry.
(JULIA is speechless)
JULIA(finally to JAMES) Did you hear that?
JAMESYes. I think we talk the same language after all.
JULIA(to MRS FINNEY) If you’re suggesting I’m in love with Draycott….
MRS FAh, now I didn’t say anything about love, dear. People spend half their time these days talking about love, when what they’re really worried about is sex. Sex is like food. If you haven’t had any for a long time, you can think of nothing else. If you have it regular, as is natural, you get it over, clear the table, and get on with more important things. As an expert, wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Harris?
JAMESDon’t ask me – I’m on a diet.
MRS FNow your boss is quite a palatable dish. You fancy him, that’s obvious, or you wouldn’t be so worried about who else is having a nibble. But if I were you I’d get a move on while there”s still something left on the plate. (She exits to the kitchen)
JAMES(calling after her) Thank you, Gordon Ramsay!
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