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Stage Fright

(THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. GRACE OPENS IT. MONSIEUR BONIFACE ENTERS BREATHLESSLY – LARGE, POMPOUS, EFFUSIVE) 
BONIFMadame! I come instantly!
GRACEMonsieur Boniface.
BONIFI apologise that such a distinguished client has problems in my hotel! What is the matter?
GRACEThe matter is theft, attempted murder, assault, trespass, false impersonation, conspiracy to defraud, adultery, slander, and a few other things beside.
BONIFAh mon dieu! All zese things?
GRACEWell most of them.
BONIFWho are all zese peoples?
GRACESuspects, all of them.
BONIFAll? Please explain.
GRACETo start at the beginning. A couple of hours ago I ordered lunch here in my room. Someone somehow poisoned my Caesar Salad, and I passed out.
BONIFPoisoned?
GRACEWith peanuts.
BONIFPeanuts?
GRACEThat’s what was used. I know the symptoms. Fortunately I wasn’t badly affected, and when I woke up all these people were around me, any one of whom could have done it.
HAILEYI wasn’t!
GRACEI’ve only your word for that, darling.
BONIFWho is she?
GRACEMy husband’s bimbo.
HAILEYDon’t call me that!!
GRACESorry. My manager’s bimbo.
HAILEYOh!!!
BONIFWho is your manager?
GRACE(POINTING AT OSCAR) Him. When he’s not being my agent.
BONIFEh?
GRACEAnd my occasional husband.
BONIFHe is your husband?
GRACEMost of the time.
BONIFEh?
GRACE(POINTING AT JIMMY) The rest of the time it’s him.
BONIFEh?
GRACEWhen he’s not being my lover.
BONIFEh?
GRACESupposedly.
BONIF(POINTING AT ADAM) And who is he?
OSCARHer other lover.
BONIFEh?
GRACEMy leading man.
BONIFAlso your lover?
GRACEAccording to my husband, who thinks everyone is my lover.
BONIFEh?
GRACEWhen they’re not being my husband.
BONIFEh, eh, eh??
GRACESo you see it’s quite complicated.
BONIFToo complicated for me.
GRACELet me simplify, Mr Boniface. He (INDICATING JIMMY) found me unconscious and assumed I was dead, and he (ADAM) found him and me and assumed he was my husband who had murdered me, and he (OSCAR) found him and him and me and assumed he was my lover who had come to rescue me from him, and she (HAILEY) found everybody and assumed nothing at all because she’s a brainless bimbo!
HAILEYOhhhh!!
BONIFI think I need to sit down.
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